Death Note
I'm really glad you're happy. Thanks for the cookie, it was really good. Is your mom okay?Other than what you wrote, how was your weekend? I can't wait to see you outside of school. I'd much rather be with you in a place I actually enjoy being in. I hate being here. I hate 87% of the people here.
Same here. So what do you think of your nickname?
Cool, I guess.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
This is a very strange feeling. I have never felt the world this still... this quiet. I feel like existence barely exists, like I barely am. I cannot tell if I am full of fear, anger, sadness, happiness, or if I am content. Nothing moves but the harsh wind outside that rattles the windows. The only desire I have is to sit here and look forward, doing absolutely nothing. The wind is now gone. This feels like the end of a dream. The sky is colorful, the sun is bright, and the universe itself is about to deteriorate. A cat stares blankly at me. It is so quiet and surreal that I feel like I should be afraid.
Is this the calm before the storm?
Is this the calm before the storm?
A man walks through the woods with his rifle. He is scared and cautious of each step. His hood is up. He walks slowly forward, stepping through the snow.
Figures can be seen in the distance. He is alerted by them and runs fast in the other direction. He falls into cover and aims his rifle. The figures are gone. His body sprinkled in snow and bitter cold frostbite, he lay motionless and afraid.
Suddenly the man is dead and the black figure boots leave tracks that stretch beyond him.
"My name is Ecuardo. I know who you are" said a strange man 15 minutes earlier. Ecuardo continued after the dead silence of the man persisted with "You have found away to evade them. You have found a way to come here, and everywhere, as you please. You are from another time. You travel through time." The man is shocked at these words, but is now in fear. He points his rifle for Ecuardo's forehead and pulls the trigger. The snow is now tainted red in blood.
He walks alone into the darkness.
Figures can be seen in the distance. He is alerted by them and runs fast in the other direction. He falls into cover and aims his rifle. The figures are gone. His body sprinkled in snow and bitter cold frostbite, he lay motionless and afraid.
Suddenly the man is dead and the black figure boots leave tracks that stretch beyond him.
"My name is Ecuardo. I know who you are" said a strange man 15 minutes earlier. Ecuardo continued after the dead silence of the man persisted with "You have found away to evade them. You have found a way to come here, and everywhere, as you please. You are from another time. You travel through time." The man is shocked at these words, but is now in fear. He points his rifle for Ecuardo's forehead and pulls the trigger. The snow is now tainted red in blood.
He walks alone into the darkness.
7 football fields. 3 football fields.
old journal. memories.
August 27th, 2011
Today I'm going to a concert with my dad. It's in Canada, Daniel Lanois is playing. I'm not really into his music at the moment but it certainly is original. I remember I used to really like the song "Fire". Apparently it is more than just a concert. More like a festival with swimming and fishing and a bunch of other artists. Doesn't sound too bad. I didn't really want to go but I know my dad spent a lot of money on my ticket. Honestly, I'm just glad to get away from my PS3 for a bit. I've wasted too much of this summer on stupid shit. I've been at points where I would just stare at the ceiling for hours. That's what happens in an apartment with no internet, TV, or phone. The heat didn't help either.
August 28th, 2011
Concert was pretty great last night. Lanois played with Emmylou Harris and it sounded great. Gordon Downie from the Tragically Hip also played, and his songs were just amazing. I smoked a lot of pot there, Canada seems a bit more laid back about it (and everything else). I would have enjoyed the music festival more if I wasn't spending every minute trying to find someone new who stood out in the crowd and was like no one else I'd ever met before, though. After the concert we (my dad, his girlfriend, and I) checked out some random party down the street from their house. Turned out to be a total dead-head stoner party. Before I knew it I was at a bonfire talking about how life is shit to some Vietnam veteran, drinking beer out of a water bottle and smoking a cigarette butt. I was still acting like the biggest hopeless romantic at the party, sitting on a sofa half stoned waiting for some magical dream chick to sit next to me. I'm pretty sure anyone there that was close to my age was a lesbian. Figures.
September 15, 2011
It's 10:38pm. Gabrielle just broke up with me. I don't know why, she didn't tell me. I don't feel anything. I feel numb. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up. Every part of me longs for this not to be happening. Can I wake up now? Please? Can I awake from this fucking nightmare? I never thought I'd hear or read her say what she did. She should have just drove a spear through my chest. What am I going to do with the mix I made her? Who am I going to hold? I wish I never knew she existed. Then this would never hurt. Then I wouldn't have to feel this. This is what life is. This is the outcome of everything in the end. It all ends with a band.
I wish I didn't exist.
old journal. memories.
August 27th, 2011
Today I'm going to a concert with my dad. It's in Canada, Daniel Lanois is playing. I'm not really into his music at the moment but it certainly is original. I remember I used to really like the song "Fire". Apparently it is more than just a concert. More like a festival with swimming and fishing and a bunch of other artists. Doesn't sound too bad. I didn't really want to go but I know my dad spent a lot of money on my ticket. Honestly, I'm just glad to get away from my PS3 for a bit. I've wasted too much of this summer on stupid shit. I've been at points where I would just stare at the ceiling for hours. That's what happens in an apartment with no internet, TV, or phone. The heat didn't help either.
August 28th, 2011
Concert was pretty great last night. Lanois played with Emmylou Harris and it sounded great. Gordon Downie from the Tragically Hip also played, and his songs were just amazing. I smoked a lot of pot there, Canada seems a bit more laid back about it (and everything else). I would have enjoyed the music festival more if I wasn't spending every minute trying to find someone new who stood out in the crowd and was like no one else I'd ever met before, though. After the concert we (my dad, his girlfriend, and I) checked out some random party down the street from their house. Turned out to be a total dead-head stoner party. Before I knew it I was at a bonfire talking about how life is shit to some Vietnam veteran, drinking beer out of a water bottle and smoking a cigarette butt. I was still acting like the biggest hopeless romantic at the party, sitting on a sofa half stoned waiting for some magical dream chick to sit next to me. I'm pretty sure anyone there that was close to my age was a lesbian. Figures.
September 15, 2011
It's 10:38pm. Gabrielle just broke up with me. I don't know why, she didn't tell me. I don't feel anything. I feel numb. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up. Every part of me longs for this not to be happening. Can I wake up now? Please? Can I awake from this fucking nightmare? I never thought I'd hear or read her say what she did. She should have just drove a spear through my chest. What am I going to do with the mix I made her? Who am I going to hold? I wish I never knew she existed. Then this would never hurt. Then I wouldn't have to feel this. This is what life is. This is the outcome of everything in the end. It all ends with a band.
I wish I didn't exist.
"I'm sick" are the words spewed out carelessly over the phone. Not one expectation was to hear your voice on this restless day where the sun seems like a cancer through the window shades. Of course I'm sick, but not how you probably think. There is no cure for what I have. I have nothing to think about and so much to say. There is a dark shade over the universe I cannot lift and the system is down by my own decision. A time when I had once felt the brink of insanity from my existence haunted by dreams has faded. The dreams are gone and I recall nothing but emptiness. The devil and god are raging inside me and every second I cannot help but to feel restless and helpless in every word built up and burnt down like towers.
Goodbye. I'll say. I don't want to hurt anything, the last thing I could do is destroy a wall and let raging water breakthrough. You have absolutely no idea. This will destroy you.
Goodbye. I'll say. I don't want to hurt anything, the last thing I could do is destroy a wall and let raging water breakthrough. You have absolutely no idea. This will destroy you.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
today...
As the waves of heat from the cheap space heater float above this old bed, my hands dip into it. I feel the brief warmth on my fingertips. It flows like water. I love being underwater. Everything looks better, feels soft and content. I love being weightless, letting go and sinking into it like a dream. As I lay here trying to grasp warm satisfaction in my hands I swear I can still feel your shape. I distinctly remember the way we'd forget about everything and lay in bed for hours. I swear I could still see the waves of your soft skin shift as you breathed so lightly. I remember the way your eyes were so sure and your smile immortalized me. There is no word I can find to describe how beautiful you really are.
But I feel it.
As the waves of heat from the cheap space heater float above this old bed, my hands dip into it. I feel the brief warmth on my fingertips. It flows like water. I love being underwater. Everything looks better, feels soft and content. I love being weightless, letting go and sinking into it like a dream. As I lay here trying to grasp warm satisfaction in my hands I swear I can still feel your shape. I distinctly remember the way we'd forget about everything and lay in bed for hours. I swear I could still see the waves of your soft skin shift as you breathed so lightly. I remember the way your eyes were so sure and your smile immortalized me. There is no word I can find to describe how beautiful you really are.
But I feel it.
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