7 football fields. 3 football fields.

old journal. memories.

August 27th, 2011

Today I'm going to a concert with my dad. It's in Canada, Daniel Lanois is playing. I'm not really into his music at the moment but it certainly is original. I remember I used to really like the song "Fire". Apparently it is more than just a concert. More like a festival with swimming and fishing and a bunch of other artists. Doesn't sound too bad. I didn't really want to go but I know my dad spent a lot of money on my ticket. Honestly, I'm just glad to get away from my PS3 for a bit. I've wasted too much of this summer on stupid shit. I've been at points where I would just stare at the ceiling for hours. That's what happens in an apartment with no internet, TV, or phone. The heat didn't help either. 

August 28th, 2011


Concert was pretty great last night. Lanois played with Emmylou Harris and it sounded great. Gordon Downie from the Tragically Hip also played, and his songs were just amazing. I smoked a lot of pot there, Canada seems a bit more laid back about it (and everything else). I would have enjoyed the music festival more if I wasn't spending every minute trying to find someone new who stood out in the crowd and was like no one else I'd ever met before, though. After the concert we (my dad, his girlfriend, and I) checked out some random party down the street from their house. Turned out to be a total dead-head stoner party. Before I knew it I was at a bonfire talking about how life is shit to some Vietnam veteran, drinking beer out of a water bottle and smoking a cigarette butt. I was still acting like the biggest hopeless romantic at the party, sitting on a sofa half stoned waiting for some magical dream chick to sit next to me. I'm pretty sure anyone there that was close to my age was a lesbian. Figures. 

September 15, 2011

It's 10:38pm. Gabrielle just broke up with me. I don't know why, she didn't tell me. I don't feel anything. I feel numb. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up. Every part of me longs for this not to be happening. Can I wake up now? Please? Can I awake from this fucking nightmare? I never thought I'd hear or read her say what she did. She should have just drove a spear through my chest. What am I going to do with the mix I made her? Who am I going to hold? I wish I never knew she existed. Then this would never hurt. Then I wouldn't have to feel this. This is what life is. This is the outcome of everything in the end. It all ends with a band. 


I wish I didn't exist.